What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
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