What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
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