Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
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