My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Go to BabaMail
