How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
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