Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
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