What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
One should always practice what they peach.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
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