What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
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