What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
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