Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
"Time to wine down."
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
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