What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
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