What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
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