Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
Is beef soup good for our health? Not if you are the cow.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
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