Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
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