What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
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