What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
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