If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
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