"Stop and smell the rosé."
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
"Say you'll be wine."
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
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