What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
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