Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
I yam what I yam.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
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