What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
"On cloud wine."
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
"It's wine o'clock."
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
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