Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
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