Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
You knead me in your loaf.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
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