My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
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