I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
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