When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
"It's wine o'clock."
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
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