What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
I love you a tot!
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What a spud muffin.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
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