How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
I love you from my head tomato
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
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