I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
Time fries when you’re having fun!
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
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