I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
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