The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
"I need to re-wine my life."
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
I think therefore I yam.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
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