just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
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