What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
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