What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
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