When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
I hope for world peas.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Go to BabaMail
