What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
I love you from my head tomato
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
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