Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
"On cloud wine."
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Go to BabaMail
