Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
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