And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
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