What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
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