How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
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