What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.