Well aren't you good little boys and girls, coming to get some Vegetable Puns in your humor diet!

I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
I yam what I yam.
I think therefore I yam.
I love you from my head tomato
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.