What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What a spud muffin.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
This foundation is rock salad.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Keep calm and carrot on.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
I hope for world peas.
I love you from my head tomato
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Everybody romaine calm.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
I yam what I yam.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Time to celery-brate.
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