What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I think therefore I yam.
Everybody romaine calm.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I yam what I yam.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
I hope for world peas.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Time to celery-brate.
I love you from my head tomato
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
This foundation is rock salad.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What a spud muffin.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
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