What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
This foundation is rock salad.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
I love you from my head tomato
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
I yam what I yam.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
I hope for world peas.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
I think therefore I yam.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What a spud muffin.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Everybody romaine calm.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
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