A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What a spud muffin.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
This foundation is rock salad.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Time to celery-brate.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
I think therefore I yam.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
I yam what I yam.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
I love you from my head tomato
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
I hope for world peas.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
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