Everybody romaine calm.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Time to celery-brate.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
I yam what I yam.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
This foundation is rock salad.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
I think therefore I yam.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I love you from my head tomato
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
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