What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
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