The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
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