What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.