A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.