Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
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