Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
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