Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
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