On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Everybody romaine calm.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
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