Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Time to celery-brate.
"On cloud wine."
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
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