What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
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