The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
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