What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
One should always practice what they peach.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
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