When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
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