Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Everybody romaine calm.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
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