I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
Go to BabaMail
