How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
What a spud muffin.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
"I mead more wine."
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
I hope for world peas.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
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