I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Go to BabaMail
