What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
We’re a perfect mash.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
"Love the wine you're with."
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
One should always practice what they peach.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
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