What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
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