I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
"On cloud wine."
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
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