How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
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