The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
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