What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
"It's wine o'clock."
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
"Here for the right riesling."
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
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