What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
"Be kind, re-wine."
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
We’re a perfect mash.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
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