Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
"Love the wine you're with."
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
"You had me at merlot."
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
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