Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
"Love the wine you're with."
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