What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
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