What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
Is beef soup good for our health? Not if you are the cow.
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