Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
"Be kind, re-wine."
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
"I need to re-wine my life."
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
"I make pour decisions."
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
What a spud muffin.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
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