Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
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