Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
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