Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
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