Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Time fries when you’re having fun!
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
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