Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
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