Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
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