Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star.”
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
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