What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
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