Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
"Sip, sip hooray."
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
"Love the wine you're with."
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
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