Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
This foundation is rock salad.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
"You had me at merlot."
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
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