Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
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