What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
"Great minds drink alike."
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
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