Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
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