What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
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