Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.