What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?