Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
I think therefore I yam.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
I hope for world peas.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
I yam what I yam.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Keep calm and carrot on.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Everybody romaine calm.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Time to celery-brate.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What a spud muffin.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I love you from my head tomato
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.