The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.