What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.